Saturday, December 29, 2007

Christmas Eve!

Twas the night before Christmas and all was calm
'cept for a boy and his dog and...

...a chicken flavored nylabone?

I was peacefully chewing on my chicken bone when suddenly my chicken nylabone was gone! I looked around to find it sitting inside the mouth of my 18-year-old Uncle! I don't mind sharing, but come on-my Uncle is going to put his teenager germs on my nylabone and I don't want any part of getting the "crazies"-yeah, you know what I mean. Just look at every other 18-year-old boy you know. Their favorite word is "poop."

So, I looked up and there he was with my nylabone sitting in between his teeth. I incredulously look up at him: Seriously? Seriously?! Dumbfounded, all I could do was sit there and watch.

He bent his head down towards me and nudged me with the bone. Naturally, I grabbed hold of it with my teeth. I'll teach this boy not to chew on my nylabone. So, I chewed on one end and he...chewed on the other end? Hmm...that idea gave me a thought.

Next thing I know it turns into a game. He stands up and pulls it out of my mouth. I wanted my bone back so I jumped up and tried to grab it out of his mouth. This started a tug-of-war game with an end of the chicken flavored nylabone in my mouth and one end in his.

Shortly after this game of tug-of-war began, I noticed that my Uncle wasn't really chewing on my nylabone, it was just sitting in between his teeth.

He started pulling back and I started pulling back even harder until it hit me. I can really teach this boy a lesson.

I pulled back really hard and let go of the nylabone which caused it to fall inside my Uncle's mouth giving him a full taste of chicken and plastic and dog germs!

He promptly spat the bone out and I picked it up, carried it to my bed and resumed chewing my bone. The things I have to go through...

My Uncle and I have a good relationship so we toy with each other like that with no hard feelings.

Later that evening he read me the story of the true meaning of Christmas while I sat and listened to him.

And, on Christmas Day, he massaged my back and head with a back massager while I sat still and thought....I totally have him wrapped around my dew claws. Sucker!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Best Weekend Ever!

Wow, I am so very tired. I just had the best two days and what's even more exciting is the fact that the fun is just going to continue!

Friday afternoon Dad took me to PetSmart Hotel for a get-a-way weekend. I got to spend the night in an upper atrium room and Friday before I had to go to bed, I got to play with the other hotel guests for a little while. On Saturday afternoon I got to take part in the doggie day camp with the other hotel guests and doggie day care attendees! It was so fun, but I am so worn out!

After every stay, they give the parents "Pawgress Reports" and I got the highest marks. They grade you on five different things: Meal Time, Play Time, Bed Time, Potty Time, and the Whole Time. One of the comments read "Oscar is such a happy boy he makes us smile!" How nice of them. See, look for yourself!

The staff there are just so wonderful and they treat us so nicely.

This is the second time I got to stay there. Two months ago my parents went to Washington DC and rented me a suite at the PetSmart Hotel. I got my very own sound proof room complete with a cot, a rug, my own toys and a TV. I felt so special!

So I got to spend two days playing with other dogs and then when I came home it was our Christmas! We had to do Christmas early because we are going to the country for Christmas!

All these are mine right?

When we got home, I took a bath while Daddy made homemade hot cocoa and then we opened presents. I thought all those presents were mine, but they weren't. Some of them were Daddy's and some were Mommy's. I guess they get to have presents too.

I caught my second wind after my bath, but as soon as I settled down on the couch I realized I was exhausted. After I opened up my first present, which was a chicken flavored nylabone, I took it to my post on the couch to chew on it. It was then that I realized all I wanted to do was go to sleep!

But, my parents made me open the rest of gifts. I got new food bowls and a new Christmas tee-shirt! I even got a new blue sports themed blanket! It actually came in a package with three other sport themed blankets, but I was only given one to play with at a time. That way we can keep the others clean. But, it's nice because now I won't be able to shred my blanket so easily. This means, my parents won't be finding piles of vomited blanket around the apartment!

Honestly, I was just so tired all I wanted to do was curl up the couch. So that is what I did. Daddy played with his new toys and I cuddled up next to him and tried to sleep.
It was rather difficult to do because someone kept sticking a camera in my face! Not cool!

After all the presents were opened my parents wrapped more gifts for the rest of the family gift exchanges while I curled up on the couch and slept the night away.

I can't wait because now we are on our way the country to celebrate Christmas with the rest of the family! I can't wait to see the family, run around the yard with no leash or limitations and I can't wait to debut my new Christmas tee-shirt!


Monday, December 17, 2007

My Letter to Santa!

I can't believe it is six days until Christmas! I am so excited! Mommy wrapped up some of my presents and they're sitting underneath the tree. As soon as she put them under the tree I went to go sniff them. I really wanted to open them up, but she wouldn't let me! OOoooohhh, I just can't wait! I love getting presents! But hey, who doesn't?!

I wrote a letter to Santa to see if he would bring me presents. After all, I've been a good boy this year.

Here it is:

Dear Santa, I hope you and all of your elves are staying warm in the North Pole. I just want to let you know that I've been a very good dog this year. Nevermind the fact that I pooped in my parent's bed, or spitefully, I mean accidentally peed on the floor right in front of Mommy or scratched up their coffee table, snuck out of the apartment, or stole dryer sheets and ate them under the bed where Mommy couldn't get to me, or jumped out of the bath tub in the middle of a bath because I didn't want to take a bath, or ate stuff out of the trash...oh right.

I've been a very good dog. I wait for my food to be served and I cuddle with my parents on the couch, I keep Mommy's feet warm when she goes to bed, when Daddy's gone I sleep up with her, when Daddy's working from home I sit with him to make sure he does his work right, when Mommy works from home I lay in her lap, I bark at the strangers to protect my home..see, I'm a very good dog. And, good dogs get presents, right? Well, if you don't mind, I'd like to put in a few of my own requests. Here is what I would like for Christmas.

1. Food bowls, especially ones that don't slide around on the floor-scary

2. Food, Come on, I need food to go in the food bowls, right?

3. Treats, lots and lots of treats! Good tasty ones, maybe some with yogurt icing, yummy!

Toys, I'm getting low on my toys. In fact, I don't really have any toys come to think of it. Just my nylabone and kong. That gets boring after awhile.

6. Blankets. Umm...Mommy took mine away from me. She won't even let me play with them anymore! Sure, I may have puked up a nice little wad of blanket Saturday morning, but I don't think that's enough reason to ban me from chewing on them. Don't you agree?

7. Dryer sheets, I want my own so that I don't have to steal Mommy's and get in trouble

8. Socks, again, so I don't have to steal Mommy's. I don't want to get in trouble.

9. A pet hamster. I heard they're fun to play with.

Santa, I think that is all I want for Christmas. I don't think I'm asking for too much. Plus, I promise to be good.

Oscar Tiberius

P.S If you come to my house, I'll make sure you get sugar cookies. They're really good! Maybe, I'll get Mommy to leave some out for your reindeer too!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Let it Snow!

I woke up one day last week and discovered it had snowed. It snowed three inches overnight! Not only that, but it continued to snow all day long. I forgot how cold and wet the snow is. Now, it really seems like Christmas.

I do not like being out in the snow though. It makes my paws wet and cold and I just don't like that.
The snow has since melted, and now it's rainy. Mommy wishes it would snow again, but I think she's crazy.

Snow just makes me want to run back inside the house and snuggle on the couch.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

The Day I Made a Choice For Me

I hate stupid libraries. Their only worth, I imagine, is to provide many dogs endless treasures of paper products of different sizes, flavors and textures for us to sink our teeth in or pee on.
I know, given that, I should love libraries, right? Wrong.

Let me say that my Mother, has practically brought home nearly every book in our library over the last few months. All she ever does is read, read, read. But what about me?! Yeah, well, that's my problem. There is no ME! M-E! No ME! I am practically invisible to Mother when she is reading.

A few days ago, I waited till Mommy settled on the couch with her coffee and books and asked her to play tug with me. She ignored me. Then I brought her my tennis ball and asked her if she'd throw it, and she said "Not now, Oscar." So then, I decided to get my puppy kong and chew on that for awhile. I decided it would be much more fun with a treat so I gave it to Mommy and she said, "Can you wait a few minutes?" Ugh..grrrr...I'm getting really tired of waiting. So, I go chew on my kong for a little while.

So, I went and chewed on my toys for what seemed like an eternity. Ok, fine. I guess it was only for one minute, but still....I mean...sigh, I deserve some play time too, you know.

I took my ball to Mommy and and whined and pouted and barked at her. "When, I finish my coffee, Oscar. Then, I'll play fetch with you and get you a treat for your kong."

When you finish your coffee, eh? I sat there, listening to her. Then, I cocked my head to one side. What was that she said? She'd play with me when she finishes her coffee? The wheels in my head began to turn and before I knew it I picked up my tennis ball and leaned over her coffee mug that was cradled in her hands on her lap and dropped my tennis ball straight into her coffee mug.

How's that for finishing your coffee? Yeah, that's what I thought.

She finished her coffee awfully quick that's for sure. Hehehe.

We then played a nice game of tug-of-war, fetch, chase and then she gave me treat for my kong and settled back on the couch to finish her book. But, not before she put me in my sweater. My sweater makes me all cuddly and sleepy. I don't mind it sometimes, but I hate it when they use it to control how I play or rather, don't play. I guess that's what I get for interfering with her relaxation time.

I'm still pretty proud of myself.....

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Poop, Pee, and Other Things -Not For the Fainthearted or Weak Stomached-

Did you know that dogs in the U.S create 3.6 billion lbs of poo every year and that it would cover 800 football fields one foot deep? It's true. And, one single gram of dog poo contains over 23 million bacteria.

Well, somebody, somewhere, decided that we are natural artists in an attempt to make some money. However, you won't find smocks, paint or paintbrushes with us when we create our work of art. Hence, I said, we are natural artists.

Someone, a real genius I might add, decided to showcase our work of art in a calendar. Yep, that's right, dog poo can hang on your walls someday.

My Mother would not take a picture of mine. It's a shame too, I was going to entitle my work of art "Red Laces." She was not so amused and has since then banned me from playing with my red ball. I like to eat all the strings off of this thing.

AND, if you really don't like someone: For $30 you can send your arch nemesis the "PooPoo Platter," the extra large grande. We can think of a few people we'd love to send that to.
What about you?

In pee news, when you gotta go, you gotta go. You can't always wait for the humans to take you out. Outside I mean. To potty. You know, what I mean.

To show my disgust at Purdue losing their last football game as well as to show disgust to my mother who was too busy knitting to pay any attention to me, I peed on the floor. I stood their whining and she ignored me thinking I wanted to play fetch-which I don't do-finally, I stood on my hind paws, tapped her arm. Nothing. So, I peed on the floor.

The pug in the video below....well, let's just say his owner probably had it coming to him too.

Monday, December 03, 2007

It's Christmas Time!

It's finally Christmas in our apartment. Last Friday night, my parents and I put up our Christmas tree. I forgot what it was like to put up a Christmas tree and everything that is involved in doing so.

This tree base, or whatever you would like to call it, was rather annoying. I don't really like the sound of metal banging against itself. Nor do I like it to move when it's not supposed to move.

Daddy seemed to have a lot of fun with the new found phobia of mine. At first, he just set the thing on the ground and would tap it with his feet to make it move and clink together. I would then bark at it and run circles around it. But then he found it to be more fun to chase me with it.

Oh well, at least I got my exercise in. I mean, not that I need it or anything.

After Daddy was done chasing me around with that tree contraption thing, he put up the tree and Mommy smoothed out all the branches. This, I gather, is no fun task. But, I guess first things first! Then we put up the lights.

I tried to help.

That didn't work out so well for me. Now, I'm a Christmas pug!

After we decorated the tree, Mommy tried to take pictures of me. I just wanted to eat the needles that fell of the tree and sniff around for whatever other goodies I could find.

After we put up the tree, Mommy decorated a few Christmas cookies and made an "as close as possible to the real deal" Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte with her espresso machine. Then she helped me put on my sweater so I could stay nice and warm. It was a very cold night, but it was perfect for cuddling on the couch, eating Christmas cookies, and watching a Christmas movie all while enjoying the pretty Christmas tree.

I will eventually post a picture of our Christmas tree, but first, my photographer needs to learn how to take good photos of the tree. You can see in the two pictures of me sitting in front of the tree how the pictures of the tree came out. The first one has too much noise and the coloring and brightness of the tree lights are all off in the second photo. At least the first picture shows more of the real beauty of our tree.

Friday, November 30, 2007

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas....

Well, I only got twenty minutes of cuddling time with Mommy on the couch last night before she fell asleep. It's just as well considering she was sitting cross legged with pillows and blankets tucked all around her. There was no flat, wide and level surface for me to comfortably stretch across for sleeping.

Last night, Mommy was too busy cleaning. She said it was so the apartment looked really nice and was clean for us to put up Christmas decorations. I don't mind it when she cleans because then I get to chase the swiffer duster that she never lets me play with. Nevermind. After thinking this through, I realized I hate it when she cleans, because I hate being yelled "NO" at when I jump up and try to grab the swiffer duster not to mention I hate that noisy vacuum!

Anyway, after she cleaned up the whole apartment she decided it was a good time to trash the kitchen. But, it was worth it-she was made Christmas cookies! She even let me eat some of the dough that fell on the floor.

It was a good evening, but a busy one. We listened to Christmas music and ate a few Christmas cookies. The icing for the cookies wasn't very good though because Mommy ran out of powdered sugar.

Anyway, I am really looking forward to tonight, because we are going to put up our Christmas tree! I can't wait to see what my parents have planned!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Mommy seems to enjoy it when I get annoyed so she puts me in situations where I have to work really hard-which is also annoying. It all started when I walked up to her with a jersey and asked her to play tug.

Instead, this is what she did to me:

I worked really hard to pull this thing off of me.

Instead, I managed to wiggle it on me just perfectly.

I don't think it looks to bad...except it is awfully big...Can I get this in a size small?

Does this make my glutes look big?

When I walked, I would somehow find myself balled up underneath it.

It made it very difficult to walk.

It even swallowed my head!

It took a long time of twirling around in circles and doing somersaults on the floor before I managed to get out of this thing.

Once I managed to get that thing off of me, I stomped all over it, pounding it into the floor.

That ought to teach it a lesson!