Dear Pugs and those other dogs,
I would like to take a moment to warn you about the Dog Whisperer. His name is Cesar Millan and he is evil. He brainwashes our humans into thinking that they need to be the pack leader and that they must dominate us. He teaches humans how to get in our brains so they can make us do things like heel on a leash, sit quietly for visitors and ask for treats. This means that for the Pug World Order (PWO), world domination will not be made possible. Humans across the world are embracing his messages. Pugs, this could be the end of chewing on humans fingers, walking ahead of your owners, eating before or during their meals, barking at strangers through the window, greeting visitors with kisses, or even sleeping in the human's bed. No more stealing dryer sheets, no more eating crumbs before they reach the floor, no more barking at the humans when we want something, no more pretending like we don't know what they want us to do when we are to lazy to work!
My parents have succumbed to the Dog Whisperer's preaching. Last night, when I took a walk, I had to heal the entire time. I do not believe this is acceptable. Not only that, but the parents wouldn't feed me at 5:30. I always get fed at 5:30. But, no, Daddy said, "According to Cesar Milan he shouldn't eat before us because we are the pack leaders."
I believe, that it is time to do something about this Cesar Milan before humans dominate us and turn us into well-mannered, subdued, socialite-type dogs.
We must fight against the Dog Whisperer and if necessary our humans (although, I'd much rather not see it come to that.) We must also unite with the other unstately, inferior dogs (especially Pit Bulls, Rottweilers and German Shephards, Dobermans and Mastiffs. We'll put them at the front of the line in order to do our dirty work for us).
I hope you will join in the fight with me!
Sincerely,
Oscar Tiberius Hayes
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6 comments:
Oscar,
You are correct to be concerned about this man. There is an organization who has long viewed such individuals with great trepidation. We are looking for a field agent for our Columbus branch, perhaps you would be interested? But please, do not act prematurely and attempt to dispatch this vermin all alone.
The Grand Duke
Winston, what is this organization and who is the leader? Give me more information and then I'll give you my decision about being the agent for the Columbus branch. I'll try not to act prematurely, but as a Pug that goes against my nature.
The Pug Intelligence Agency; we see never sleep (not literally). The leaders are a closely guarded secret, but rest assured that we stand a better chance together, with each doing his own small part (and chasing tail, probably their own, during free time).
The Grand Duke
This Cesar guy sounds like a wacko to us. We're glad our parents have never heard of him. You guys can count us in. He must be stopped!
WHAT? That Cesar guy should be placed where he belongs! PUGS RULE!
Holy Cow Oscar! This is very bad news indeed. You need to counter this Cesar dude by convincing your family that cable TV rots the brain. My People do not have cable, so I have no risk of them watching this whispering dog man. You need to take evasive action and now. Maybe you can intercept the cable bill and hide it so the cable is cut off! Good luck dude!
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