Dear Pugs and those other dogs,
I would like to take a moment to warn you about the Dog Whisperer. His name is Cesar Millan and he is evil. He brainwashes our humans into thinking that they need to be the pack leader and that they must dominate us. He teaches humans how to get in our brains so they can make us do things like heel on a leash, sit quietly for visitors and ask for treats. This means that for the Pug World Order (PWO), world domination will not be made possible. Humans across the world are embracing his messages. Pugs, this could be the end of chewing on humans fingers, walking ahead of your owners, eating before or during their meals, barking at strangers through the window, greeting visitors with kisses, or even sleeping in the human's bed. No more stealing dryer sheets, no more eating crumbs before they reach the floor, no more barking at the humans when we want something, no more pretending like we don't know what they want us to do when we are to lazy to work!
My parents have succumbed to the Dog Whisperer's preaching. Last night, when I took a walk, I had to heal the entire time. I do not believe this is acceptable. Not only that, but the parents wouldn't feed me at 5:30. I always get fed at 5:30. But, no, Daddy said, "According to Cesar Milan he shouldn't eat before us because we are the pack leaders."
I believe, that it is time to do something about this Cesar Milan before humans dominate us and turn us into well-mannered, subdued, socialite-type dogs.
We must fight against the Dog Whisperer and if necessary our humans (although, I'd much rather not see it come to that.) We must also unite with the other unstately, inferior dogs (especially Pit Bulls, Rottweilers and German Shephards, Dobermans and Mastiffs. We'll put them at the front of the line in order to do our dirty work for us).
I hope you will join in the fight with me!
Oscar Tiberius Hayes