What Rules?

What? I'm not doing anything...I promise.

Rules are made to be forgotten and not obeyed. At least that is my motto. If my parents tell me to sit or lie down, I give them a look that says "you want me to do what now?" or "I am so confused, I have no idea what you are talking about!" Unfortunately, I get so excited when they teach me new commands I'll obey them right away. That is because when I'm learning they give me treats. Then my parents will stop giving me treats and I'll still do the tricks, until I realize that they're not giving them to me anymore. At that point, I have no incentive to obey. My parents have lots of rules for me, and I don't like it. I have to sit before I can get on the couch, or I have to be invited; I have to sit before I eat, go outside, put the leash on, ect. ect. Now they're trying to make me lie down before I can do all of that stuff. Well, I'm getting tired of it, they know I know how to do all these things so I'm not getting treats. They think that getting to be on the couch, getting my food or going outside are all rewards enough. But, I don't think so. I want food! Lots of food! Well, I've come up with a list of rules for my Mom and Dad:

1. You must invite me onto the couch anytime you are sitting there and whatever food you are eating, I get a taste of.
2. When cooking, you must drop food on the floor for me to eat.
3. I decide when I go to bed at night and I will sleep on the couch or better yet: your bed.
4. I will under no condition perform tricks or obedience commands unless you show me the food!
5. When you leave the couch, you automatically give up your spot to me-in which you don't get it back.
6. Don't just give me water for dinner, I want food. I don't care if I get fat, forget what the vet says (I'm sure they eat more than a cup of food a day).
7. I must be played with all day long. You will know when I am tired of attention (haha-which is never).
8.You must take me to the dog park to play with my friends every evening.
9. Don't leave me in my bed when you leave the house: either let me roam around (I promise I'll behave) or take me with you. Otherwise, I will annoy the neighbors with all my barking and whining until they complain and you are forced to take me with you.