Wednesday, June 27, 2007
I would like to take a moment to warn you about the Dog Whisperer. His name is Cesar Millan and he is evil. He brainwashes our humans into thinking that they need to be the pack leader and that they must dominate us. He teaches humans how to get in our brains so they can make us do things like heel on a leash, sit quietly for visitors and ask for treats. This means that for the Pug World Order (PWO), world domination will not be made possible. Humans across the world are embracing his messages. Pugs, this could be the end of chewing on humans fingers, walking ahead of your owners, eating before or during their meals, barking at strangers through the window, greeting visitors with kisses, or even sleeping in the human's bed. No more stealing dryer sheets, no more eating crumbs before they reach the floor, no more barking at the humans when we want something, no more pretending like we don't know what they want us to do when we are to lazy to work!
My parents have succumbed to the Dog Whisperer's preaching. Last night, when I took a walk, I had to heal the entire time. I do not believe this is acceptable. Not only that, but the parents wouldn't feed me at 5:30. I always get fed at 5:30. But, no, Daddy said, "According to Cesar Milan he shouldn't eat before us because we are the pack leaders."
I believe, that it is time to do something about this Cesar Milan before humans dominate us and turn us into well-mannered, subdued, socialite-type dogs.
We must fight against the Dog Whisperer and if necessary our humans (although, I'd much rather not see it come to that.) We must also unite with the other unstately, inferior dogs (especially Pit Bulls, Rottweilers and German Shephards, Dobermans and Mastiffs. We'll put them at the front of the line in order to do our dirty work for us).
I hope you will join in the fight with me!
Oscar Tiberius Hayes
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
This is me playing with my new gorilla. This video doesn't really show well the extent to which I am having fun. I like my gorilla. Actually, I like to sit on the back of the couch and whack Mommy in the head with it. Sometimes, it makes her yell really loud! hehe...
Monday, June 25, 2007
Friday night, while Daddy was in NYC, Mommy and I went to Petco and bought new toys! We weren't very happy with the selection though. I think we were at the store for an hour. It wouldn't have been difficult choosing new toys if we didn't have such specific criteria to pick from. First the toys were too soft, too hard, too small, too big or too expensive. Then there were the inedible toys that would be quickly eaten by me.
Mommy would try to let me pick out my toys, which proved to be a chore. The next thing I knew I had a bone shaped tennis ball like toy shoved and waving around in my face. Yawn. I ignored her and walked off. Surely, she could do better than that, right? I walked away from the toy and went back to sniffing the aisle.
Finally, Mommy made friends with a woman in the store and left me a lone for awhile. She helped the woman pick out a halter for her dog and the woman helped Mommy pick out toys for me.
In the meantime, I told off a Mastiff and tried to defend myself from a Pit Bull that was intent upon eating me. He said so himself. Luckily, he went down the next aisle. Hopefully they were looking for a muzzle.
It was when the store announced over the speakers that it was time to close that Mommy settled on a tiny rubber wheel. Sigh. If only she hadn't wasted my time trying to see if I'd fit into any of those wimpy dog carrying bags. I'm not a chihuahua!
We walked through the toy aisle one last time. We stopped by the stuffed toys just to look at them. All of a sudden I hear the high pitched squeals of a monkey! I jumped up on Mommy and tried to grab the gorilla from her. "Can we get it? Can I have this one? Please, please, please?!" I barked.
I was pleased to see that when we made it to the check out counter it was still in her hands! I couldn't wait to go home and play with the gorilla.
I was so happy! Although, the people behind me in the line couldn't stop laughing at me. I don't know what their deal was.
However, Mommy is such a spoil sport and wouldn't let me play with my new toys till Daddy got home the next day.
Not caring that it was Saturday morning, I woke Mommy up at 7:00 and told her she had to get up. She sat up and I ran to the counter and waited for her to get the gorilla. I sat there and sat there, and sat there. What is she doing? I ran back to bed and found her asleep again. What is wrong with her? How come she isn't excited to play with the gorilla? Does she not know this is a matter of high importance?
I figured I wasn't going to get the toy without her, so I fell back asleep and waited for Daddy to get home.
Finally, I got my gorilla and my rubber wheel, but who cares about that.
Unfortunately, whenever I get new toys, I have to wait to play with them till Mommy gets done with her photo shoots.
This gorilla speaks to me and when he does, I like to grab him by the nose and flip him around. Sometimes, I throw him clear across the room. That's always fun.
I've also learned that the ear is always the Achilles heal of stuffed toys. If you chew off the ear, your toy is virtually destructible at that point. My goal is to get to the gorilla's voice box.
Mommy is amused when I eat the ear, because it looks like I'm sucking on it. But, I'm really not that much of a baby.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Well, my nails need to be trimmed, badly. I'm a bit past due. So we went to check out this nice veterinarian who works just down the road from our new place. They offer a free "get to know you" consultation and will do nail trims for free for their clients. You can't get any better than free nail trims. So we signed up.
I wasn't too excited about getting my nails trimmed, but it wasn't like I was going in to get shots and poked and prodded...or so I thought.
Mommy is a little peeved though and doesn't know what to think of this new doctor. I'm not sure I like her either because she basically told Mommy that she had to throw away all of my toys. ALL OF THEM! Can you believe it?!
After she told Mommy to throw away all of my toys, she proceeded to give Mommy a long list of health problems I currently have.
1. A fractured tooth. This is the reason why I have to throw away all of my teeth. She gave me a rawhide bone, which concerns Mommy. The Vet said it's OK if I swallow long sections of it and act like I'm choking. Really? Yes, "because we come from wolves and are used to eating huge hunks of meat off other animal carcasses." What? And because we come from wolves and are used to living in the wild means that I can't chew on nylabones anymore? That's what I'm thinking.....
Heres the thing, after months of learning through trial and error what toys are best for me, we have finally come to a list of acceptable toys. Rawhide bones aren't on them. Not only am I not allowed to chew it on the couch, but it gets really nasty, starts to smell and leaves white residue anywhere I lay it. Plus, I tend to swallow them whole, forget about choking it back up....
2. I have an irritated stomach. This means, I have to change my diet for the next few days and take pills. Another reason why I have to get rid of my toys. No more stringy toys (including ropes) because I eat the strings which causes stomach irritation. Who knew? This also means no plastic bottles because I risk swallowing the plastic pieces, thus irritating my stomach even further. Stuffed animals aren't really an option anymore because I eat the fuzz and I'm pretty sure the vet will come up with other excuses as to why I can't have those.
3. Ear Infection. I have another ear infection. Mommy was blessed with a toddler who is constantly getting ear infections..or a child with constant swimmers ear. I'm not sure this is the result of sloppy bathtimes or the result of my environment.
4. Pollen allergies. Could the ear infection also signify allergies? We are not sure yet. The OSU Vet said that they would have to test for allergies the next time we come seeing as how my ears are always infected. They were waiting to see if the ear infection cleared up and what my ears did after we moved. "It could be the environment," they said. Well, this new vet asked Mommy if I chew or lick my paws, in which she responded with "All the time, but it looks like he is mostly chewing his nails." "Pollen allergies," the vet quickly answered without another thought. "But, we'll discuss this at another time." Why not now? And, how do you know it's not anything else?
So, I'm curious to see what toys I'm going to have to give up for pollen allergies. The vet will probably make us move. Or I won't be allowed to go outside anymore and force me to use a pansy kitty litter box.
Mommy is thinking about getting a second opinion. Our "free" vet visit ended up costing us 130 dollars. I didn't even get my nails trimmed! Which, if you remember was the SOLE purpose of this visit. If I get my tooth extracted it will cost my parents even more money. Which is not good because they have to pay to get the Malibu door replaced because Mommy can't make right turns. And that is all we will say about that.
I'll keep you updated on what's going on. I hope my diet isn't going to be that bad. In the meantime, I have to scour the pet market for "acceptable" dog toys. The new vet gave Mommy a list of acceptable chew toys and non-acceptable toys. Because of the way I chew and eat my toys, pretty much everything on that list is off limits.
We're from wild wolves-yeah, right! If that's the case we should be able to eat anything we want. Second of all, have you seen pugs-do you know anything about the them-we are hardly savages. Hmmm...I feel a history lesson coming on.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
At night it got dark and cold. Some of the other cell mates quieted down. Others, like fat Charlie continued to howl as if a pack of coyotes would hear him and break him out. I didn't think it was possible to hate a dog so much. Unfortunately, the boxer across from me was young and inexperienced. She didn't deserve to be here either.
Morning finally came and I received my food and water. The man also opened this door on the back end of my cell. Could this be my escape opportunity? I thought. It was a larger outdoor cage, called a run. I wasn't sure what to think. I ran outside quickly, scoped out the place and ran back inside my original cell. Decidedly, I liked it better out in the warm sunshine, where it was bright, where I didn't have to remember I was confined. I jumped through the door back into the warm sunshine and laid down on the brick covered floor where I let the suns rays beat down on me. I wondered how long I would be here and where my parent's were and what they were doing. I only hoped it was worth it for them to leave me. I hoped they wouldn't forget me because I wasn't going to forget them. They were my humans and I am their dog. I began to wonder what I would do if they never came back. Could I get used to my five minute walks, and my 14' by 4' cell? Sure, it's no king size bed or a trip to a dog park.
As I laid there pondering this new journey in my life, I noticed that in between the cracks in the brick were green weeds and grass. I sat up, stretched and shook my body to re-energize myself before I went to check it out. I sniffed the grass and tasted it. It wasn't bad so I ate more. I noticed there was more green forage growing in between the brick's cracks. I ate more, but decided to save the rest for later. I could never be sure how long I would be there or how quickly it would grow back.
I quietly padded around in the run until I saw a boy. My hopeful brown eyes gazed upon him as he approached me. I wiggled my brown curly tail, "are you going to play with me? Please let me out. Let's go for a walk," I called. He stopped by the door, faltered and walked away.
I didn't know what to do. I was instantly hit with a rush of emotions. I was angry for being left here, sad because I was lonely, excited because I thought this boy would play with me, relieved because I didn't want to be taken out only to be confined again, depressed because I didn't know what I wanted or what I should do.
I cried and barked instantaneously. Then I saw the boy again. I jumped up against the door like a mad dog, desperate for attention. Then I saw my blue, braided rope dog. He didn't ignore me, he went to get my toy, I realized. We played for a good 15 minutes.
After he left, I trotted to the corner of the run where I slumped down on the ground and laid there. The sun was beginning to set and the evening was getting cooler. It wasn't long after, when I was ushered back inside and the door to the outdoor world was shut behind me.
I lapped up what was left of my water and walked into my crate, the only familiar place in this whole facility. I circled on my bed, patting it down so I could lay. Finally curled up on my bed, I fell asleep and dreamt of the dog park.
Three more nights went by. The days were pretty much the same. Fat Charlie wouldn't stop his howling, but the black lab was no longer there. I spent most of the days enjoying the outside. But something about this day was different. The man came to the front of my cell, put on my halter and leash and packed up my bags. I was scared because I didn't know where we were going. But mostly, I was excited because I knew they came back for me. We walked through the door and there She was!
I was so happy I didn't know what to do. I chastised her with barks and whimpers for leaving me, but I wiggled and jumped my way to her. We dogs are a forgiving species. We are too trusting in the fact that we know our humans will return to us and even if they don't we are always happy to show our love to the next family that picks us up. I was lucky because it was mine.
I sat on Mommy's lap the whole ride home. I sat tall and proud, leaned my head against her shoulder, closed my eyes and lifted my head and looked at her sharing my warm, doggy breath till we got home. It was great to be going home.
When I got home, I greeted Daddy much the same way as I greeted Mommy, just without the chastising. I'm sure he had nothing to do with this. We all played and chased each other around the house. Mommy and I went for a nice long walk.
That evening, after playing and watching TV, we collapsed in the king size bed. It was good to be home and be a family again. After saying our goodnights, we shut off the lights and I languidly spread myself on my body pillow and went to sleep.
I won't dream about the boarding facility, but it did make me really appreciate my family. But, I know that they love me and they will always come back for me. Because they are my humans and I am their dog.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Anyhow. This dog park isn't as nice as the Bark Park, I used to go to. However, we decided that we could still go there on the weekends, but during weekdays we'd have to go to the one in the country. There aren't as many little dogs for me to play with there. Most of them are big country dogs.
I spent a lot of time doing my own thing. I sniffed the ground, met the people and trotted behind the big dogs. I had no desire to get run over or stepped on. Some of those dog's paws are bigger than my head!
From the back end, this dog looked friendly so I thought I'd meet him and figure out who he is and what he's about.
That is, until he turned around and I saw his big dark eyes and his huge head that was twice the size of my body. I decided I should probably stick with doing my own thing.
I went to the far edge of the park to see what was on the other side of the fence. There wasn't much there except for lot's of trees and shrubs.
This is a new friend. She came to see me as we were leaving the park to go home. It goes without saying that I was somewhat intimidated by her.
Friday, June 01, 2007
I didn't know that she brought me anything. One day she suddenly ran upstairs and came back with something wrapped in orange tissue paper. I knew though, once I saw the brightly colored package and the big grin on her face, I knew it was something special! She told me to sit but I had such a hard time doing so because my tail was wiggling so hard my rear end wouldn't stay still.
I finally was able to sit and shut my eyes! What is it?!
What if I opened them and didn't look at the package does that count?! Aaahhh, the suspense was killing me! Finally she opened her mouth to say the word but before she could even finish, I was already tearing into tissue paper.
It occurred to me after all eating several pieces of tissue paper that what if, this was it? All I got was tissue paper? Even if it was a joke, it wouldn't have mattered. My devoted readers should already know that I LOVE all things paper!
But then, after much sniffing and pawing, I discovered that the real treat laid inside the orange paper.
It was a cute blue, rope dog that had a little blue ribbon tied around it's neck. Mommy took the ribbon off though. I don't know what makes her think I would try to chew on that first.
After cutting of the silky ribbon, I decided I needed to run for cover. I jumped up on the couch next to Daddy and inspected my new toy. I just had to make sure that other dogs hadn't played with him first and I needed reassurance that he wasn't real!
I pretty much removed and digested well, we're not sure about the digested part, but the leg of the rope dog is or was sitting inside my tummy.
Mother went to another dog boutique in SoHo called For Pet's Only. The kind lady there gave Mommy a tulip petal dog biscuit with purple yogurt frosting on it for free and she gave her free shampoo and conditioner samples from Isle of Dog Canine Grooming System. She was even nice enough to give Mommy the shampoo and conditioner samples that were specifically formulated for my skin and fur type!
I love being spoiled!